02. PTA Mom

PTA MOM Lyrics

Hey, everybody, whaddyasay
I had a funny thing happen to me today
You see, I got a little call from a ‘Hollywood
They said they were lookin’ 4 me ‘n’ could
I just read a little part for a PTA mom
Who’s poised and stately ‘n’ cool ‘n’ calm
Wearin’ pearls ‘n’ Jimmy Choo’s, her hair all coifed
I said “Stop, I’m laughin’, I heard enough
You wanna know what it’s like, how it really is?
Here’s a day in the life of a PTA Ms.

I get up at 6 ‘n’ take the dog 4 a walk
Then the family’s at breakfast, but we DON’T TALK
I’m goin’ over my list of things I’ve gotta do
‘N’ get the backpacks packed ‘n’ find the LOST SHOE
I drop the kids in the school lot, but I don’t get to leave
‘Cause the PTA messages I gotta RETRIEVE
The library needs books, they wanna start a choir
Gotta plan a party for the teacher who’ll RETIRE
There’s checks to sign’n’ they need ‘em in an hour
No wonder I don’t have time to TAKE A SHOWER

PTA MOM, SHE’S A PTA MOM
SHE’S GOT A KID IN KINDERGARTEN AND ONE GOIN’ TO PROM
SHE ORDERS FROZEN COOKIE DOUGH FROM A GUY NAMED TOM
SHE’S A PTA MOM, SHE’S A PTA MOM

It’s the Principal’s birthday, gotta get a gift
I gotta supervise a reading program called RIF
Got 2 choose two vendors and write two grants
I got 2 rid the Parent Center of ANTS
Paint’s peelin’ off the wall, need a bus for a trip
Got 2 bring some pants in for the kids whose pants RIP
Got 2 meet new parents and show ‘em around
Make sure they see the map we painted ON THE PLAYGROUND

I gotta interview a storyteller in a wigwam
And that’s just part of a day in the life of a

PTA MOMMA PTA MOMMA
WRITIN’ GRANTS TO BRING BACK AFTERSCHOOL DRAMA
KNOWS HOW TO PICK OUT LICE SO THERE’S NO HEAD TRAUMA
SHE’S A PTA MOMMA, A PTA MOMMA


Well, it all comes together when the meeting I lead
Ask for a motion to second when the minutes they LEAD
We find what happened to the lost dues money we’d got
Turns out the parent in charge got drunk and FORGOT
So we gotta fundraise it’s our constant quest
Would a silent auction or a spring fair be BEST
At nine I pound the gavel to adjourn, we’re done
I ask for volunteers to clean up but they just RUN
I fix the room, take out the trash, I look like a slob
No wonder nobody else wants this effing job!

PTA MOMMY, PTA MOMMY
SHE’S TEACHIN’ AN ENRICHMENT CLASS IN ORIGAMI
ENLIGHT’NIN’ OTHER PARENTS LIKE SHE IS A SWAMI
SHE’S A PTA MOMMY, A PTA MOMMY

That’s right

PTA MOM, SHE’S A PTA MOM
GUIDING ALL THE OTHER PARENTS WITH APLOMB
SHE WRITES A DAILY BLOG ON PTA.COM
SHE’S A PTA MOM, SHE’S A PTA MOM

That’s me