Contents Under Pressure

The kids tore up the playroom. The dog chewed up a chair
The washer wasn't working, and the wife was on a tear
The phone would not stop ringing; I began to rant and rave
Whoa! Time to go to Grandma's - gotta shower, gotta shave!

Who knows how many hairs went down the drain with the shampoo
While I wondered how we'll ever pay the bills, all overdue
And running late, as always, and just about to scream
I chanced to read the writing on that can of shaving cream...

Contents Under Pressure - now, don't that sound like me?
When shaken up, don't I display an active chemistry?
And knowing that my behavior can approach the infantile,
Shouldn't I be kept away from children, for awhile?

I grabbed a Magic Marker and a tee-shirt off the shelf
And I wrote a warning label that I could wear myself
A simple set of guidelines in living red and white
Ain't nobody gonna mess with me tonight

Contents Under Pressure. Might overreact
May cause irritation. Avoid prolonged contact
Use only as directed. Here's some more advice -
Ignore all these precautions, you won't do it twice

I told my teenagers, "Sure, I'd love to chuck it all,
Ride the rails or wander through the mountains of Nepal
But that's another movie. In this one, I'm your Dad
Try your hand at acting by pretending that you're glad."

Contents Under Pressure. Allow to ventilate
Otherwise your eyes may water, your heart may palpitate
If you see foaming action at the mouth, then you will know
This original container is just about to blow

No, I'm not looking forward to exploding in your face
But sometimes I get to thinking I'm a walking can of Mace
And I can only pray that this condition will abate
Before I'm on the far side of my expiration date

Contents Under Pressure, don't that sound like me?
When shaken up, don't I display an active chemistry?
Honest, it amazes me I haven't lost it yet
God knows what keeps me goin' - I hope he don't forget!