I Farted on Santa's Lap (Now Christmas is Gonna Stink for Me)

Mom made beans for dinner
Y'know I ate 'em all,
She said "Come get your coat on
We're goin' to the mall.

You're gonna visit Santa
And sit upon his knee,"
But all that I could think about
Was how not to cut the cheese.

Waiting there for Santa
I thought that I'd explode,
That gas bubble grew bigger
With every "Ho ho ho!"

I tried my best to hide it,
Thought I was doing swell,
But when I sat down on Santa's lap
He hollered "What's that smell?"

I farted on Santa's lap,
Now Christmas is gonna stink for me.
I farted on Santa's lap,
Now I'll get pfffft under my Christmas tree.

I asked him for a baseball,
I asked him for a bat.
I asked him for some ice skates,
But I'll get none of that.

I asked him for a lot of things
I'll have to do without,
'Cause when I sat down on Santa's lap
I let when slip out.

I farted on Santa's lap,
Now Christmas is gonna stink for me.
I farted on Santa's lap,
Now I'll get pfffft under my Christmas tree.

On Christmas Eve I snuck out
Of my room without a sound,
And went down to the living room
Just to take a look around.

'Twas then that I saw Santa
Next to the Christmas tree,
His arms were full of presents
And they were all for me!

He set them on a pile,
Got up and turned around,
Then blew a fart with such great force
Our tree almost came down!

And so I'll always cherish
That special moment when,
I realized even old St. Nick
Rips one now and then!

I farted on Santa's lap,
And Christmas didn't stink for me.
I farted on Santa's lap,
And Santa left one on my Christmas tree.