Sickening Signs

lemme be perfectly clear right from the start
I’m wasting all my time
pacing up and down and whatnot
I’m tracing all my signs
astrological or not
I’ll place a little line
at the start of the family plot

sometimes I rhyme a word with itself
just to see if anyone notices
tho it is irrelevant
no one has yet
yeah I’m keeping score
no one choses to listen
to my music intentionally
not even the people I make it for

I lie to myself every gods damn day
I keep telling myself
that things'll clear up
and sway my way
I delay any progress
so I can feel the heat
I betray any modest
proposal and just shuffle my feet

I can pray all I want to
while standing on my heels
any kneeling requests
can be met with bitter appeals
see I think if you live to your life
for someone else
you can either be that person
or just be personally felt

fantastical magical
mystery virgins
will bleed a little innocence
but smash thru the hurting
whoring by day but
churching on the weekend
depends on the
reasons but
pleasing someone else
is simply stroking your ego
seasons go by
and I forego any contact
I’m withdrawn like a bank check
I’m a nervous wreck
when it comes to making decisions
but I’m first in line
when it comes to being smitten
once shy and every other time bitten

I’m skellytone alone
I’m prone to bend my words
to the will of the unknown
deepen the verse with a
mysterious curse
and some nonsense
that only makes sense to me
I don’t care if you understand it
and I’m perfectly aware how it seems

like random
syllables
placed there
for effect and branding
but take care to
listen closely and
you'll feel the meaning landing

not everything is crystal clear
and requires no thought to process
it’s not my fault if you
don’t understand what allegory is

it’s just me alone with my words now

I’m long past the point of caring in this phase

I play the marimba on my ribcage
I defend my own right to outrage
I page a helping hand
and place a soft command
in earshot of those who
demand to be in range

tighten your saddle
and straddle what’s basically
a faster cattle
what’s tastily an easy matter
choose your battle carefully
or bed down with a diaper and rattle
but don’t be surprised
when the world comes knocking
cause someone you wronged
chose to tattle

find more maturity and skedaddle mister
I’m tending these wounds before
they become blisters
I tend to choose choosiness
over choosing these tongue twisters
I blend into the background
alone with my transistors

my music makes me happy and that’s
why I live here
and I'll continue to amuse
myself for as long as I can manage
bandage up my vocal cords
to try to contain the damage

if knowledge is power then surely
facts are wealth
but if you make a song and no one hears it
is that as bad as talking to yourself