No Place Like Home

I will never forget
The last words my grandfather said
To my brother and me
The day that he died

He said, “Boys don’t you turn on the light yet
I’m still rewiring the outlet”
Home fried!

Mama was the apple of Daddy’s eye
Had a left hook that could make a grown man cry
Married a man in Reno, just to watch him die

Didn’t spare the rod, none of that nonsense
“Time outs” meant how long we were unconscious
Daddy sat ring side!

East to west and back I go
There is one thing I know
No matter where I roam
Thank God there ain’t no place like home

Mama taught us the facts of life
saying “Boys don’t you take a wife
Won’t any girl love you like your Mama tries”

Each morning in the pantry Mama made pancakes
In her bra and her panties
My eyes!

East to west and back I go
There is one thing I know
No matter where I roam
Thank God there ain’t no place like home

I moved out when it got too bad
And met a girl like the one who married dear old Dad
Now we got two kids, each a basket case
Just like Mama used to make

And they sing:
East to west and back I go
There is one thing I know
No matter where I roam
Thank God there ain’t no place like home