Calving Time

I’m three weeks into calvin time
and I’m three weeks behind
On a matrimonial payment plan,
evidentally I had signed

My wife said next year she’s gonna take
a Caribbean cruise
She says she never sees me,
when all my calves are due,

and I said
Whoa, honey, cut me a little slack,
I’m a ranchin man, and this you knew
when you smiled and said ‘I do’,
and she said
Wooooah hold on honey,
let’s get somethin straight,
If I were a four legged critter,
I’d be someone with whom you would relate


I got two calves in the barn tonight,
and they’re lookin kinda down
So I figured maybe best
if I just stayed and hung around.
My dinner it was hot at six,
by eleven freezin cold
But nothin quite compared
to the iceberg at the door,

and she said
Whoa, honey, cut me a little slack,
I’m a lonesome girl in a lonesome world
and I want my husband back,
and I said
Wooooah now hold on honey, I’ll make it up to you
When calvin time is over,
I’ll name the best one of the bunch after you,

and I said
Whoa, honey, cut me a little slack,
I’m a ranchin man, and this you knew
when you smiled and said ‘I do’,
and she said
Woooo hold on honey,
let’s get somethin straight,
If I were a four legged critter,
I’d be someone with whom you would relate