Uncle Hiram's Homemade Beer
Now I was just a boy at the time
When this drinkin' Uncle Hiram of mine
Decided to make up a batch of homemade beer
"Don't tell a soul", he said to me
"But I've come across this recipe
That says for pennies a day I can drink all year"
So I searched the alleys behind the bars
For empty jugs and mason jars
Then we sneaked 'em down to his basement brewery
He measured out yeast and the sugar and the hops
And he said to me as we sealed the tops
"For Goodness sake don't tell your Aunt Marie
'Cause she'd say":
Hey there Hiram, what's goin' on down there
There's some peculiar odor comin' up the basement stairs
Go back to your sewin' Hon' - I'm varnishin' a chair
The time my Uncle Hiram made his famous homemade beer
Well we let it set for a month or so
Then me and Uncle sneaked down below
A-figurin' it was time to give it a try
I was standin' there at the foot of the stairs
And Uncle Hiram was a-checkin' the wares
When all of a sudden two bottles just blew sky high
The jars went crash and the lids went clunk
And Hiram dived behind a trunk
As the beer begain to spew out on the floor
Uncle yelled "Don't mind me, save yourself!"
So fast as I could I ran up the stairs
The out of breath I quickly slammed the door
Aunt Marie came cryin' "What is it dear?"
I said "It's Uncle's homemade beer
It's a blowin' up and got Uncle trapped down there"
She said "Beer beer - Well I'll declare
Hiram you come up out of there!"
But the sound of explodin' beer was all we could hear
Well it sounded like a war for a day and a night
The bottles just blew up left and right
Till finally we just heard one here and there
So Aunt Marie took a comforter
And holdin' it up in the front of her
With me behind, we started off down the stairs
Well the place was a mess to say the least
The walls were sticky and smelled like yeast
The glass and the lids and the beer lay all around
It had been quite a battle there was no doubt
But when we began to look about
Uncle Hiram was nowhere to be found
Aunty cried out "Hiram - Oh poor dear
He's been killed by a jar of beer
I warned him of drink but he never listens to me!"
Then up came the lid on the antique trunk
And there soaked in beer blind runnin' drunk
Was the late-lamented love of Aunt Marie's
He said "Rather than see it all go to waste
I decided I might as well have a little taste
Reckon I've tased about forty-three jars of beer
Ya'all can just go on 'cause I'm stayin' right here"