Zuzu's Petals

Zuzu’s Petals
(by Cary Cooper)

I wish I had a garden in my yard
I wish I didn’t think my life was hard
I wish I did those things I wish I’d done
I wish I thought you thought I was the one
You thought I was when you first fell for me
The night you lost your shoe under my tree
The night we closed the bar after the show
The night I knew I couldn’t let you go

Cause no one ever loved me like you did
I didn’t have to keep my feelings hid
Cause I believe you mean the things you say
But part of me is scared you’ll run away
Whenever it’s not easy anymore
And so I sit and listen for the door
I’m never slow to sadness as you know
That’s why it’s so much easier to go

I might as well just beat you to the punch
And do it all politely over lunch
I know how much you hate it when I cry
Every time I try to say goodbye
Cause trust is never something I do well
My heart is pretty battered you can tell
You didn’t know how broken I would be
Its hard to love a broken girl like me

But baby you can’t say that I don’t fight
For all the things you think I think are right
You never seem to see my tender side
That’s why it’s so much easier to hide
Behind the armor that I always wear
I’m afraid it’s just my cross to bear
I shouldn’t be ashamed about this part
I needed more protection for my heart

When I was too green to be afraid
Of what would happen if the choice was made
To leave it all behind and walk away
After we both had the chance to say
The reason why we thought it didn’t work
And why we both hold on to so much hurt
Instead of trying everything we can
To be a better woman and a man

Just like Georgie Bailey Christmas eve
When Clarence showed him reasons not to leave
I put ZuZu’s petals on my car
To remind me not to go too far
Away from all the ones that matter most
Father, daughters and my holy ghosts
Kiss me baby like you did back then
Midnight at the Inwood skin on skin

Looking back I think I have to say
I handed you my broken heart that day
And fell for you while Natalie Merchant sang
And kissed you while you whispered the refrain
Take me back to when we both believed
And didn’t know how long that we would grieve
And didn’t know we’d have to be so brave
To save the only lives that we could save

So here I’m standing on my own two feet
To let you be the man you need to be
And I will be the woman who won’t hide
Behind her greatest fears and stubborn pride
So if you feel my fingers when they touch
I hope you know that I want very much
For you to lace your fingers into mine
And tell me that you love me one more time