The Day the Queen smoked a joint

The Day the Queen Smoked a Joint by Tony King © 2011

The Queen was bored in Windsor Castle and reflecting on her life
She was sick of being serious and all the Royal strife
She thought I’ll soon be dead & so what’s the bleeding point
The only thing she hadn’t done….. was smoke a joint

She tiptoed past the Chauffer who was snoring like a pig
and headed down to Soho in a Michael Jackson wig
She found a shop and said to the purveyor of fine bongs
“I need a little something to get me orf my scone”

He studied her quite carefully and rummaged through a drawer
He said “you look familiar, have you been in ‘ere before?
It’s hydroponic gear, best to try before you buy?”
She coughed…. a lot….. but soon began to fly

With her Ray Bans and her ipod she was bopping down the street
Head bobbing to the solo of Bohemian Rhapsody
She couldn’t shake the thought of chocolate pizza from her mind
The Corgis were uneasy and were now some yards behind

She thought she’d drive to Paris but was far too off her dial
So she busked at Covent Garden as a statue for a while
“Viva La Republic!!” she mysteriously screamed.
& told a Grenadier she loved him, for an hour…..or so it seemed…..

She kissed a duck in Hyde Park and curled up with a tramp
And giggled like a drain at her own face upon a stamp
Her stockings were laddered from the trees she found to climb
And the buzz of chasing squirrels left her feeling quite sublime

The Bentley had been clamped and she walked home without a care
The sun was coming up revealing acorns in her hair
She walked into the Palace with a Royal Rasta calm
The Guard just said politely...... “Nice morning for it M’am”

She tried to sneak to bed but caused a frightful din instead
When she dropped a can of Red Bull right on top of Phillip’s head
“My darling, I’ve discovered that I really like Bob Marley
And finally….I think…. I understand our crazy Charlie”

Phillip was awake now, taking in her new tattoo
He found the nipple ring distracting if not strange
“The Balmoral of the story is I’m sick of all the Tories
I want a different end to my nearly finished story
I want to play the Sax and I just want to relax
Get Murdoch and the Chinese and Obama off our backs
Let’s go to Soho for a change
Let’s go to Soho for a change
Let’s go to Soho for a change”