WonderLust

I wrote Wonderlust the second week into a road trip that I knew was gonna last a few months.

I was saying my goodbyes to my friend the morning before I left when she and I had an unexpected special moment... in that blink, I was sure I was in love. It could have been because of the loneliness that I felt most of my life especially after my mom passed.

Two years after my Mom died, my dad married an abusive heavy drinking widow. They were peas in the same pod, both violent, both beat me. Being seven, I felt deep regret, guilt and longing. It's in this song.

Hell it could even be the loss of my sons. No, they didn't die. Their mom and I were a mistake. I tried to "Do the right thing" and I blew it.

We separated unexpectedly. I went south to work with Green Peace for a few weeks. While I was away, she moved west without telling me. I came home to an abandoned house with rotting food in the freezer.

After a few months I finally located and contacted her and we agreed to meet. I unknowingly rode the elevator and walked with her new boy friend to her door. He left, and we stood and talked. It was pretty clear that she had moved on.

Unbelievably, as I was leaving her mom and dad got off the elevator. Her dad was a pro football player. He was a kind, gentle and understanding man to me. He was this night as well. It's the last time I ever saw him.

Needing a place to go I got a job on the rigs. On returning to town I asked to see my son (youngest hadn't been born yet) she refused and I repeated this process till I ultimately gave up.

Wonderlust is my song of guilt, loss, regret and longing.