I Would If I Could

I Would If I Could

A friendly politician met me on the street on day
He said I'll be your congressman if you just vote my way
with one hand in my pocket and the other shaking hands
I wound up lookin sideways at this man

I said I would if I could
but I wont cause I don't
Don't get me wrong it aint because I cant
I haven't cause I wouldn't but it wasn't cause I couldn't
And I'm too set in my ways to take a chance

And then one day my secretary asked me for a raise
I thought for several weeks she'd been action in strange ways
She kept hemming up her dresses and her neckline hemming down
But her breath could straighten out a traffic jam

I said I would if I could
but I wont cause I don't
Don't get me wrong it aint because I cant
I haven't cause I wouldn't but it wasn't cause I couldn't
And I'm too set in my ways to take a chance

And then one day a local preacher came to set a spell
He tried to make me change my ways to keep me out of Hell
but he didn't know that I had seen him kiss the deacons wife
I think that only God can save my life.

I said I would if I could
but I wont cause I don't
Don't get me wrong it aint because I cant
I haven't cause I wouldn't but it wasn't cause I couldn't
And I'm too set in my ways to take a chance