The Santa Job

The Santa Job
Rocky Alvey and Larry Ricci © 2007



I was laid off last December, was a real tough time
I found myself in that unemployment line
I was thinkin bout my life as I was standing round
I saw the Christmas decorations they had hung up in our town
and that’s when it hit me like a bolt from the blue
I knew exactly what it was that I was born to do

Then they called my name and I sat down at a desk
I signed a bunch of papers and took an aptitude test
This chick made some appointments for my interviews
I looked at them and said that none of these will do
She asked me what I thought would be my ideal job
I said honey, I was born to be Santa Claus!

Chorus
Flying round the world at near the speed of light
eating milk and cookies while I work at night
I’m the kind of guy who really knows how to give
Plus I’ll have the list of where the bad girls live
of Christmas Inc. I want to be the CEO
I’m gonna start off every meeting with a HO HO HO


Well I knew she had to think I was a few bricks shy
But I caught a little twinkle in her big blue eyes
I said, think about it darlin, work one day a year
And delegate the rest to dudes with pointy ears
I couldn’t help but noticing you’re mighty cute
Would you consider wearing Mrs. Santa’s suit?

She grabbed me by the hand and we left then and there
We hitched a ride up north, up to that frosty air
I told my plan to Santa he said “son you’re bold”
You know all my joints been aching, and I can’t take the cold
So he cashed in his retirement moved to sunny L.A.
but before he did he handed me…. the keys to the sleigh

Chorus

Come here baby. Sit on Santa’s lap and tell him what it is you want to get for Christmas.
Hey man, keep them elves away from my eggnog!
Get away from there! Elf - Ho ho ho!
Nobody told me how obnoxious those little dudes are. Elf - Ho ho ho!
Hey don’t you guys have a whole warehouse full of presents to wrap?
Elf laugh