Ugly Girl Blues

(monologue)
Well folks, most songs are about pretty women
Blue eyes, blonde hair, real good lookin’
This song’s not about those,
This song’s about the ugly girls
Now these girls haven’t been hit with the ugly stick,
the whole tree fell on them…rough lookin’ women
They’ve got little black and blues spots all over them
Where people been touchin’ them with ten foot poles

And if you look ugly up on YouTube
You may even see a video of them
A picture, if the camera could stand it
Maybe on Ugly Facebook
(chorus)
Always marry an ugly girl
That’s the only kind
She’ll never ever leave you
But if she does you don’t mind

My uncle married an ugly girl
And he thought that he had it made
But every night when she undressed
The neighbors pulled the shade
(chorus)
Always marry an ugly girl
That’s the only kind
She’ll never ever leave you
But if she does you don’t mind

My uncle married an ugly girl
She drank from a special cup
Her bottom lip stuck three inches out
But her top lip covered it up.
(chorus)
Always marry an ugly girl
That’s the only kind
She’ll never ever leave you
But if she does you don’t mind
My brother married an ugly girl
She was big as a tandem truck
When her beeper went off, they ran for miles
Cause they thought she was backing up
(chorus)
Always marry an ugly girl
That’s the only kind
She’ll never ever leave you
But if she does you don’t mind

(monologue)
Well this is the last verse
Gets down to the real nitty gritty
Goes like this
When you kiss an ugly girl
They’ll never let you quit
Cause they think that it might be
The last they’ll ever get
(chorus)
Always marry an ugly girl
That’s the only kind
She’ll never ever leave you
But if she does you don’t mind
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