Raye Zaragoza - Not A Monster

7. Not A Monster- I’ve been wanting to write a song about my struggles with eating disorders for years, but was never really sure how to talk about it. I wasn’t ready. Finally sitting down with Anna Schulze, it felt like word vomit - I told her about the things I still struggle with on a daily basis - and we wrote “Not A Monster.” Eating disorders can make you feel like Jekyll and Hyde - constantly at war with the “eating disorder voice” inside your head. The voice that tries to keep you from leaving the house where you can’t control what you eat, the voice that isolates you from your friends, causes you to over exercise, and ruminate and obsess over every single detail pertaining to your body and your food consumption. You feel like you’re arguing with the monster within on a daily basis. Some days you can quiet the voice, and some days - the monster wins. I’ve always struggled with perfectionism, and as an artist, I think I always subconsciously wanted to project a level of togetherness to my audience. Talking about my struggle with orthorexia felt ugly. But I now know that this is something so many people can relate to, and it’s a story that feels healing to share.