Jan Gillies - Old Woman and the Gunslinger

The Old Woman & the Gunslinger Jan Gillies

A weathered old woman had hitched up her mule
When a liquored-up gunslinger, clutching his tool
Staggered out from the barroom, whiskey in hand
Saw her standing there, alone in the sand
Hollered, “Woman, have you ever danced?”

She looked up at him, and replied with a frown
“Nope, never did want to.” A crowd gathered ‘round
As, grinning, he growled, “Well, you’re gonna learn now!”
As he bent over double, in a sarcastic bow
Began shooting the dust by her feet

The old prospecting woman, preserving her toes
Began hopping, while the crowd just laughed at her woes
‘Til he ran out of bullets, and holstered his gun
Turned to go back inside, tired of his fun
Two loud clicks made him turn back ‘round.

Bridge:
The old woman stood there, shotgun aimed at his head
As he stared down two barrels, thought he was dead
Frozen, like a corpse by the ice in her eyes
The laughter all ended, as he realized
When the tables turn, time to get wise

Then softly she said, “Son, you’re a fool
But have you ever kissed the ****-end of a mule?”
Swallowing hard, his earnest reply
A moment of truth with no time to ask ‘Why?’
Just “No Ma’am, but always wanted to!”