Cutesy Kay

Well, it was Christmas Eve about eleven at night
I was makin' sure everything was alright
Down under the Christmas tree before I hit the hay
There were toys and games and games and toys
And a truck that made an obnoxious noise
And a little doll they called a Cutesy Kay

Now she could eat and wet and take dictation
A positive toymaker inspiration
So I thought I'd see how she handled a letter to Mom
So I said "Dear Mom, how are things in Pomona
And thanks for the lime-green birthday kimono
And say 'Hello' to Dad and Frank and Tom."

Well, Kay just sat there, pen in hand
And obviously didn't understand
Thought I'd simple it up and try once more
Well, I said "Now is the time for all good men"
And was just about to say it again
When I noticed the tag there beside her on the floor

It said "Friend, this doll won't work for you
Unless you carry out steps number 1 and 2,
Namely buy yourself some batteries and put 'em in
It takes a special battery, Serial J395107A
You can buy 'em in Tokyo direct from a Mr. Chin

(Instrumental)

Well, my heart sank as I started to figure
That the time to Tokyo and back was bigger
Than the time I had to get the doll back under the tree
So, with my soldering iron and the toaster cord
A sweaty brow and a prayer to the Lord
I tried to convert that doll to work AC

Well, I plugged her in and to my surprise
I saw a neon glint behind her eyes
She took the pen and wrote out "Help me please!"
Then she started to spin just like a top
And I pulled the plug but she didn't stop
Goin' round that room like a dog with terminal fleas

She wrote a Shakespeare sonnet across the wall
Assorted graffiti down the hall
Wound up at the lamp with a limerick on the shade
And I looked at my watch, it was quarter to five
And I saw the mess and, man alive,
I saw my Merry Christmas startin' to fade

(Instrumental)

Well, I got the mess cleaned up and then
I looked at my watch, it was 7:10
Hardly had the strength to start the day
And the kids came down and they gave a yell
You can bet that I won't ever tell
About the toy they never got called Cutesy Kay

About that toy they never got called Cutesy Kay
That dirty little...Cutesy Kay