HAM FOR THE HOLIDAYS (Christmas / Thanksgiving Turkey Song)

"HAM For The HOLIDAYS"

Frosty morning sunrise, leaves are gonna' fall.
Holidays are coming ... This turkey's feeling small ...

VERSE
My mother told the story of how Grandma was whacked.
She crept into the kitchen and saw her on a rack.
Feathers plucked, all full of stuff, she was lying in the buff.
Worst of all, no head was looking back!

CHORUS
Why can't everyone have ham for the holidays? Why can't everyone have pork with their pies?
I guess I'll never know. I guess I'll never grow. Guess I should learn how to fly...

VERSE II
I wake up to the laughter from the old pig pen. He knows it's me they're after. He's teasing me again!
Isn't PORK "The *other* white meat?," I recall ... Now the pig is silent in his stall!

I've heard that there's savior in religion. In India, the cow's a sacred beast.
But my faith is low ... feelin' fat ... look silly in this pilgrim hat. No Hindu's gonna' save me from this feast!

CHORUS

BRIDGE
Why can't life be like "A Christmas Story?" I'd sing "Fa Ra Ra Ra Ra" and be in luck!
Then, I'd only model for the pictures and they would all be drooling at the duck!

VERSE III
But life is never just like in the movies. I've been gettting overfed for days.
I'm plucking out my feathers in a frenzy ... Why is it Jews don't eat pork anyway?

Last night the barn fell silent. I've wondered what was wrong.
Just like my Mom before me, I'll sneek into their home.
Feathers shakin', chance is taken. Why do I think I smell bacon? Oh my God, the pig is in the stove!

CHORUS
Why can't everyone have ham for the holidays? Why can't everyone have pork with their pies?
Sure pigs are cleaner and they're smarter, but juicier for roasting, turkey's dry!
At least this much I know, I guess this year, I'll grow. Next year, I'll learn how to fly...

Lynn Julian, ASCAP, Cookie Cutter Publishing
Publishing@CookieCutterGirl.com