Carla Ulbrich - Twang
  • (Is It) Hot Enough for Ya?
  • Interviewing Therapists
  • 20 Rats
  • Stop Tryin' To Bring On The Apocalypse
  • She's An Extra
  • The Recovery Waltz
  • From The Bible
  • (Have You Tried) Not Bein a Dick
Press

Carla Ulbrich - TWANG - March 1, 2022
Trespass Music is pleased to release Carla Ulbrich’s new album, “Twang” to worldwide radio March 1, 2022.

Carla Ulbrich – Twang
Release Date March 1, 2022 - BMI

Carla Ulbrich
Alt-Country - SingerSongwriter - Americana – Humor - Acoustic – Indie
Add Date March 1, 2022

ABOUT TWANG
“Twang,” an 8-song country EP from Carla Ulbrich, is a fun mix of hot picking, smart songwriting and dry wit, with tongue-in-cheek toe-tappers like “Is It Hot Enough For Ya?” and “Stop Tryin’ to Bring on the Apocalypse.” This album features some of the hottest players in the biz: 15-time IBMA Dobro Player of the Year Rob Ickes, 4-time Grammy winner Andy Leftwich on fiddle, Erik Halbig on electric guitar, Bob Harris (producer/ engineer, bass and lap steel), and Bob Malone on piano.

MUSICIANS
Carla Ulbrich - lead vocals, acoustic guitar
Guests:
Dobro: Rob Ickes (1-6, 8)
Fiddle: Andy Leftwich (1, 3-8)
Piano, organ: Bob Malone (1, 2, 6, 8)
Guitars, Mandolin, Banjo: Erik Halbig (1, 2, 5)
Drums, Bass: Steve Goodie
Lap steel Guitar, Bass, Mandolin: Bob Harris (1, 3, 5, 7)
Background vocals: Lou Holtzman (track 1); Carla Ulbrich, Steve Goodie (8)
Voice of Dr. Alexander (3): Jim Aycock
All songs © 2022 Carla Ulbrich BMI ℗ Romantic Devil Publishing
except “From The Bible” (lyrics, Carla Ulbrich; music © Hank Williams
Produced by Bob Harris
Cover art - Jake Thomas
Photos: Joe Giacoio
All songs recorded, mixed & mastered by Bob Harris at Ampersand Records, Bridgewater, New Jersey, USA
Additional Engineering (recording): Lou Holtzman (Eastside Sound, NYC), Steve Goodie (Nashville)
Thanks to Michelle Fortier and Larry Ahearn at Trespass Music for sharing our music.
Lots more music available from Carla at: www.carlau.com

LYRICS
1 - Is it hot enough for ya
3:49 - © 2022 Carla Ulbrich BMI
ISRC: US-KMZ-21-0001 - Uptempo, very country humorous party tune about the summer heat and how everyone who says “Is it hot enough for ya?” seems to think they’re the first person to think of the joke.

Well it's a hundred degrees out again today
And my air conditioner quit
And no one can fix it till next week
I was about to throw a fit

So I decided to go to Costco
Just to stand inside and cool down
Then I ran into a friend in the cereal aisle
And I guess he was joking around He said

Is it hot enough for ya
Is it hot enough for ya
Man it’s gotta be about a hundred and three
Is it hot enough for ya

Everyone’s a comedian
It's annoying I tell you what
When your heat rash has got a heat rash
And your bra strap has melted shut

I mean even the weeds were wilted
When I went to mow the lawn
Then I barbecued some hamburgers
And I didn't even turn the grill on and you ask me

Is it hot enough for ya
Is it hot enough for ya
Man it’s gotta be about a hundred and three
Is it hot enough for ya

Well I burned my butt on the driver’s seat
My cursing made a sailor blush
Snow White change her name today
Now she's just called “Slush”

The itsy bitsy spider
Made it up the water spout
All the sculptures by Salvador Dali
Yesterday they straightened ou
You think you’re so dang funny
With that old worn-out cliche
I’ve been in this store ten minutes
You’re the third one i’ve heard say

Is it hot enough for ya
Is it hot enough for ya
Man it’s gotta be about a hundred and three
Is it hot enough for ya

Is it hot enough for ya
Is it hot enough for ya
Man it’s gotta be about a hundred and three
Is it hot enough for ya

acoustic guitar: Carla Ulbrich
vocal: Carla Ulbrich
backing vocals: Lou Holtzman
dobro: Rob Ickes
fiddle: Andy Leftwich
electric guitar: Erik Halbig
drums- Steve Goodie
bass: Bob Harris
piano: Bob Malone

2 - Interviewing Therapists
2:19 © 2022 Carla Ulbrich BMI
ISRC: US-KMZ-21-0002. - Uptempo pop-ish humorous song that imagines what it would be like if we were to screen potential therapist the same way we get screened for jobs.

Finding a good therapist is tricky
You never know just what you’re gonna get
So have a little interview before you commit
Just get some questions off the internet

Why do you want to work here at Carla’s neuroses?
Helping people? Duly noted
I see you’ve been at this position for fifteen years
How come you’ve never been promoted?

How will you affect my bottom line?
And would you call yourself a winner?
Do you ever take your work home with you?
You do? What time is dinner?

Finding a good therapist is tricky
You never know just what you’re gonna get
So have a little interview before you commit
Just get some questions off the internet

What makes you think you’re qualified to work here?
I mean besides the PhD
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Please don’t say you’ll still be seeing me

How many golf balls are there in Florida?
And how much fuel would it take to ignite them?
What’s the airspeed of an unladen swallow?
Hey I just ask the questions I don’t write them

Are you willing to fail? Why should we hire you?
How did your last job end?
How do you deal with a difficult client?
Asking for a friend

Thanks for your time we’ll give you a call
Or maybe not I guess we’ll see
If you don’t get the job don’t stay in a funk
Just take this little tip from me

Finding a good therapist is simple
You’ll know exactly what you’re gonna to get
You’ll trim your list of candidates in no time
With your questions from the internet

acoustic guitar: Carla Ulbrich
vocal: Carla Ulbrich
dobro: Rob Ickes
drums: Steve Goodie
bass: Steve Goodie
organ: Bob Malone

3 - 20 rats
2:38. - © 2022 Carla Ulbrich BMI
ISRC: US-KMZ-21-0003 - Mid-tempo serious song in a minor key, addressing addiction and the findings of scientists who study addiction in rats.

In the basement of the science lab studying addiction
The experiment was conclusive matching their prediction
Each one had two bottles, one with water one morphine
Twenty rats in twenty cages none of them stayed clean

Many times in many places the trial was replicated
Drugs as powerful as this should’ve never been created
We’ve got to keep them off the streets by every possible means
Twenty rats in twenty cages none of them stayed clean

I tried to warn these rats about how this would go
I told them use will power; just say no
I told them about their strung out friends and relatives I’d seen
But those twenty rats in twenty cages- none of them stayed clean

Then Doctor Alexander came onto the scene He said
“I’m looking at these rats. They’re disengaged.
These are social creatures trapped in isolation
The problem’s not the morphine- the problem is the cage”

He sprung them from confinement and gave them toys and space
Lots of room to exercise and even room to mate
They still had two bottles one with water, one morphine
Those twenty rats free from their cages
All of them stayed clean
All of them stayed clean

acoustic guitar: Carla Ulbrich
vocal: Carla Ulbrich
dobro: Rob Ickes
fiddle: Andy Leftwich
drums: Steve Goodie
Mandolin: Bob Harris
Bass: Steve Goodie
Voice of Dr. Alexander: Jim Aycock


4 - Stop Tryin’ to Bring on the Apocalypse
3:03 - © 2022 Carla Ulbrich BMI
ISRC: US-KMZ-21-0004 - Uptempo song with loads of attitude, this number speaks to those who want to bring on the end of the world as quickly as possible.

swear words:
“hell” at 0:20
“damn” at 2:18

if you could stop tryina bring on the apocalypse
That’d be really swell
I’m not just asking for the heathens
I’m not worried about going to hell
You’re not the first person to read Revelations
Even satan knows the Bible well
If you could stop tryin’a bring on the apocalypse
That’d be really swell

If you could stop tryina bring on the apocalypse
That’d be really fab
You may be looking for a holy war
But the people in charge just want a power grab
Tearing up the planet like there’s no tomorrow
and the rest of us are picking up the tab
If you could stop tryin a bring on the apocalypse
That’d be really fab

Is this like when you were five years old
Waiting to see Santa’s face
Except instead of leaving out cookies and milk
You left a big pile of nuclear waste

If you could stop tryin’a bring on the apocalypse
That’d be really great
Hiding in your underground bunker
Eating beef jerky while you sit and wait
Well there’s work to be done and there’s people to help
and Jesus is running late
If you could stop tryin’a bring on the apocalypse
That’d be really great

Would Jesus wish for Armageddon
I’m not so sure he would
You can be so heavenly minded
That you’re no damn earthly good

If you could stop tryina bring on the apocalypse
That’d be really nice
You think you’re ready to meet your maker
Well you may just wanna think twice
If you haven’t yet learned to love thy neighbor
Better put those plans on ice
If you could stop tryina bring on the apocalypse
That’d be really nice
That’d be really fantastic

acoustic guitar: Carla Ulbrich
vocal: Carla Ulbrich
dobro: Rob Ickes
fiddle: Andy Leftwich
electric guitar: Erik Halbig
banjo: Eric Halbig
drums: Steve Goodie
bass: Steve Goodie

5 - She’s an extra
1:42 © 2022 Carla Ulbrich BMI
ISRC: US-KMZ-21-0005. - Mid-tempo song recalling the Old West, this song recounts the adventures of a gal working as an “extra” in the TV and film biz.

Up at five in the morning
She packs three changes of clothes
Commutes into the city
For reasons she can’t disclose
She wears a woolen winter coat
Out in the summer heat
And for the fifteenth time
Waits for the cue to casually cross the street
She’s an extra

She moves her lips but makes no sound
Not even to cough
I think she’s saying peas and carrots (peas and carrots?)
My lip reading could be off
Sipping air from a coffee cup
She waits for the all-clear
Then takes the arm of her man
Her third husband just this year
She’s an extra

Behind the scenes she’s picking out her next identity
Biker? No Detective? No Hipster? No Model? No
Ordinary everyday pedestrian- that’s me!
She’s an extra

At last! A part in a movie
She told her job, “Drop dead”
You might see her on the big screen
Just look for the back of her head
She’s an extra

acoustic guitar: Carla Ulbrich
vocal: Carla Ulbrich
dobro: Rob Ickes
fiddle: Andy Leftwich
electric guitar: Erik Halbig
mandolin: Erik Halbig
drums: Steve Goodie
bass: Bob Harris

6 - The Recovery Waltz
3:18 - © 2022 Carla Ulbrich BMI
ISRC: US-KMZ-21-0006. - Yes, a waltz, complete with beautiful fiddle parts and a humorous take on the struggles of getting and staying sober.

Step one Okay, I’m an addict
And my life is a mess Well, duh
This step is so flippin’ obvious
I should finish all twelve in a month

Step two came to believe a power greater than me
Could restore my sanity to my life
Sanity. Sounds kind of boring
But I guess I can give it a try

The recovery waltz
Step one step two step three
Any beginner can learn it
Even someone as stubborn as me

Step three turned my will and life over to God
Or I guess I should say higher power
Then took it back when answers to prayers
Seemed to take longer than half an hour

I don’t feel like searching and I’m not at all fearless
So the next part I think I’ll ignore
As long as I keep on waltzing
I’ll never have to do step four

The recovery waltz
Step one step two step three
I’ve danced myself into a corner
Stepping on my own feet

I accepted the things
That I could not change
Which gave me some peace
Which felt kinda strange

But to look at my part
In the mess that I made
Requires some honesty
Hence the delay

The recovery waltz
Avoiding reality
Dancing around the problem
And the problem of course is me
Me doing the recovery waltz

acoustic guitar: Carla Ulbrich
vocal: Carla Ulbrich
dobro: Rob Ickes
fiddle: Andy Leftwich
drums: Steve Goodie
bass: Steve Goodie
piano: Bob Malone

7 - From the Bible
2:50. - lyrics © 2022 Carla Ulbrich BMI
music © Hank Williams
ISRC: US-KMZ-21-0007. - a parody of the old Hank Williams favorite “Jambalaya,” these lyrics challenge those who take certain phrases out of context from the Bible.

swear words: “hell” at 0:42

My friend Bob works his job on the Sabbath
He should get stoned to death but he hasn’t
Then there’s Jim got his hair trimmed me oh my oh
The law forbids yet he did he’s got to die-oh

Then there’s Dave he wanted slaves and now he’s got ‘em
Had a look at the Good Book- not a problem
How I wish i could have shellfish but I’m no Dumbo
Ain’t going to Hell on the half shell for some Gumbo

Leviticus isn’t just about being gay oh
It has got a whole lot more to say oh
Nowadays things you say do not apply-oh
Can’t pick and choose what you use from the Bible

Couldn’t quit I must admit what can I say?
I tried to change the fact remains that I am left-handed
It’s a sin to touch the skin of a pig that’s dead oh
Sorry y’all no more football that’s what it said oh

My sister Rose got new clothes last semester
Now she’s forgot and she’s wearing cotton with polyester
My buddy Bjork ate some pork with a milkshake oh
Should they be stoned or can we burn them at the stake oh

Leviticus isn’t just about being gay oh
It has got a whole lot more to say oh
Nowadays things you say do not apply-oh
Can’t pick and choose what you use from the Bible
Can’t pick and choose what you use from the Bible

acoustic guitar: Carla Ulbrich
vocal: Carla Ulbrich
acoustic guitar: Bob Harris
fiddle: Andy Leftwich
lap steel: Bob Harris
bass: Steve Goodie

8 - (Have You Tried) Not Being a Dick
2:56. - © 2022 Carla Ulbrich BMI
ISRC: US-KMZ-21-0008 - Uptempo honky-tonk, in-your-face song written to someone who clearly needs a good whooping

naughty words: 0:37 0:39 0:41 0:43 0:44 1:20 1:23 1:24 1:26 1:28 1:34 2:16 2:17 2:19 2:21 2:22 2:38 2:39 “dick”
0:46 “tool” 0:47 “****”
0:48 “pecker” 1:30 “dong”

You wonder why your woman left you
And your friends are so very few
Even your golden retriever
Can’t seem to make time for you

Any time you throw a party
Everyone calls in sick
It’s all so sad but I wonder
Have you tried not bein’ a dick

Not bein’ a dick
Not bein’ a dick
Not bein’ a dick
A tool a **** a pecker
Have you tried not bein’ a dick

You’ve tried going to all kinds of meetups
And looking for friends on craigslist
Learning some clever pickup lines
To find yourself a new chick

You even tried taking up smoking
But no one would flick your Bic
You went to join Scientology
They said “Have you tried not bein’ a dick?”

Not bein’ a dick
Not bein’ a dick
Not bein’ a dick a dinner a dong a doinker
have you tried Not bein’ a dick

If houseplants all turn brown and shrivel
Whenever you enter the room
If raindrops refuse to fall on your head
And babies crawl back in the womb

If you’ve tried to split a hotel room
And your roommate preferred the car trunk
If you’ve taken a personality test and flunked
If your girlfriend keeps deflating herself
Or asks “Can you make this quick?”
Then maybe it’s time you asked yourself
Have I tried not being a dick?

Not bein’ a dick
Not bein’ a dick
It may be against your religion
So how ‘bout just try a little smidgeon
Would it kill ya for just 5 minutes just to try
Just to try not bein’ a dick
acoustic guitar: Carla Ulbrich
vocal: Carla Ulbrich
dobro: Rob Ickes
fiddle: Andy Leftwich
background vocals: Carla Ulbrich, Steve Goodie
drums: Steve Goodie
bass: Steve Goodie
piano: Bob Malone

ABOUT CARLA ULBRICH
Carla Ulbrich (Ohl-Brick) is a comical singer-songwriter and guitarist whose songs cover topics such as Waffle House, Klingons, psycho exes, how rich she would be if she had a copyright on the F Word...
SHe is a displaced Southerner living in New Jersey. The humorous singer-songwriter’s indie CDs have been featured on the BBC, Dr.Demento, Sirius XM Comedy Radio, Pandora, NPR’s Morning Edition.

Performing since the late 90s in venues from Alaska to England, Carla has appeared as a musical guest on the TV shows "The Revolution" and "Up All Night with Rhonda” and was an extra in the movie “Sharknado 2.”
She has played in venues ranging from the Kerrville Folk Festival to the Bluebird Cafe and has appeared as a musical guest on the TV shows "The Revolution" (ABC), "Homegrown Music" (WVIA TV), "Up All Night with Rhonda" (USA Network) and "The Other Side" (WGN).
Carla is a past winner of the South Florida Folk Festival Songwriter Competition, the Falcon Ridge Folk Festival Showcase, The Logan Awards (for excellence in comedy music), and The Just Plain Folk Awards (Best Novelty/ Comedy Album).
Her 10th CD, "Twang," is coming out in March, 2022 and features a bevy of talented country and folk musicians backing up her dry wit.
PRESS

"I LOVE Carla's songwriting- smart, funny, and insightful.”
– Christine Lavin

"Yes, Carla's new album (The LOUD Album) is loud - laugh-out-loud funny, that is!" - Dr Demento
"Longtime Carla Ulbrich fans — and I’m one of ‘em — may wonder if she’ll ever lose her comedic edge. Maybe someday. But her new “LOUD Album” proves that’s not anytime soon." - Dave Aton, WRFG
"Carla Ulbrich has a song in her heart, a sexy smirk on her face, and a shower curtain stuck between her buttcheeks. What more could you want from a gal with a guitar?" - Will Phoenix, HVY.com
"Ulbrich's humor is erudite and charming, similar to a PBS special or an NPR acoustic concert." - Chuck Miller, Goldmine Magazine
"I love playing Carla’s music on my radio show, as well as for my own enjoyment, because she makes me realize that a little laughter goes a long way to curing the malaise that can be instilled in each of us in these difficult times. Her gift for finding humor has helped her recover and deal with {serious} health issues, and she is living proof that laughter IS the best medicine. Her new CD should be kept in close proximity and given a spin whenever you find yourself in need of a smile!" - Ron Olesko, WFDU, SingOut!

"For the most part, as a satirist, Carla chooses to vocalize as someone resembling ... somebody's sharp-tongued Aunt Willa Mae who bakes biscuits to die for, but can spot B.S. in a heartbeat and shred it with a verbal shotgun... Our new social reality presents some real difficulties for singer/songwriters, but we'll need humor more than ever and Carla Ulbrich will be here to provide it." - Richard Cucarro, Acoustic Live!


SOCIALS
https://www.facebook.com/carlaulbrich
https://twitter.com/carlaulbrich
https://www.youtube.com/user/carlaulbrich
https://carlaulbrich.bandcamp.com



6
  • Members:
    Carla Ulbrich
  • Sounds Like:
  • Influences:
    Johnny Cash, Robert Earl Keen, Dixie Chicks, Alan Jackson
  • AirPlay Direct Member Since:
    02/22/22
  • Profile Last Updated:
    08/14/23 19:56:28

"Radio Creds" are votes awarded to artists by radio programmers who have downloaded their music and have been impressed with the artist's professionalism and the audience's response to the new music. Creds help artists advance through the AirPlay Direct community.


Only radio accounts may add a Radio Cred. One week after the track has been downloaded the radio account member will receive an email requesting a Cred for each artist they've downloaded.