Gluten-Free Diet

Who’s got tons of food allergies
Can’t eat nothing but sticks and leaves
Hives and gas and swollen hands
Who’s really crabby? Yes I am
 
Doctor came to say
yeah you cannot eat this stuff
you’d best stay away
from all those foods you love

gluten-free diet (diet!) 
throw away the bread and the beer 
gluten-free diet (diet!) 
nothing left to eat in here 

gluten-free diet (diet!) 
lookin at the menu in fear 
gluten-free diet (diet!) 
haven’t had dessert all year 
So crabby! 
 
I picked up a gluten-free pizza then 
Put it in the oven four hundred and ten 
try it yourself and you’ll understand
serving size: feeds one trash can
 
oh I got me some rice cakes
suggested by some clown
they crumbled into flakes
as I tried to choke them down 
 
gluten-free diet (diet!) 
it’s as much fun as you hear 
gluten-free diet (diet!) 
watch your social life disappear  
 
wanna go get a sandwich?
I’m on a gluten-free diet 
let’s work through lunch and order some pizzas
I’m on a gluten-free diet 
Surprise! We got you a birthday cake
I’m on a gluten-free diet 
 
no Italian 
no tasty cakes 
hey I would eat it 
but then I’d pay 
no pie-ie-ie-ie 
no pasta nay 
Twizzlers have gluten 
what the %#$*
 
Oh I went to a buffet
and I took a look around
well the broccoli’s gluten free
oh great gee whiz like wow

gluten-free diet (diet!) 
what a big pain the rear
gluten-free diet (diet!) 
seems just a little severe
gluten-free diet (diet!) 
hold the bagel just gimme the schmear 
gluten-free diet (diet!) 
you can have an asparagus spear 
 
you seem a little uptight I’m on a gluten-free diet  
Do you think you might have a mood disorder? I’m on a gluten-free diet  
Why are you sitting on the toilet with a bowl of quinoa? I’m on a gluten-free diet  
I think I'm about ready to slap somebody