Stupefied By Maladies Defying Diagnosis

I've seen a hundred doctors from the worst up to the best
with dozens of appointments and a half a zillion tests
Don't wanna be a whiner and I hate to be a pest
But how can i get better if I can't get any rest?

Stupefied by maladies defying diagnosis
All of this uncertainty is causing me neurosis What if it's the plague? or something equally atrocious?
Stupefied by maladies defying diagnosis
Um diddle diddle diddle um will I die?

They're puzzled by my symptoms so they say it's in my head
They'll probably keep saying that the day I turn up dead
The doctor's office is the most annoying place I know
If I wanted some attention it's the last place I would go!

Stupefied by maladies defying diagnosis
I've sat here in this waiting room so long I've got thrombosis
I ought to have a medical degree I've earned one by osmosis!
Stupefied by maladies defying diagnosis
um diddle diddle diddle um will I die?
um diddle diddle diddle um will I die?

We're clearly getting nowhere so I see it's up to me
I may not be a doctor but I've seen one on TV
I googled all my symptoms and I searched on WebMD
Gave myself six months to live
Then sent the bill to me

Stupefied by maladies defying diagnosis
How'm I supposed to live with such a horrible prognosis?
If I were to sue myself would that be symbiosis?
Stupefied by maladies defying diagnosis
um diddle diddle diddle um will I die?
um diddle diddle will I die?

Stupefied by maladies defying diagnosis
All of this frustration has sent me into psychosis
If you holler loud enough they'll send men in white coats it's
Stupefying maddening and still no diagnosis
Stupefying maddening and still no diagnosis