Vasectomy Blues

I’m lying on my back with frozen peas in my jock strap
And the doc says that I can’t have any booze
I popped me a Percocet but it ain’t working yet
And I’m stuck with the Vasectomy Blues

My wife laughed at the stitch and she called me a little ****
Said talk to me when you’ve birthed a kid or two
She’s been liberated ‘cause I’ve been emasculated
And I’m stuck with the Vasectomy Blues

A new day’s dawning the white tails are in rut
Salmon are spawning but urologists will cut

I drove a big Dodge Ram
I had to trade it for this minivan
Now how’s a self-respecting man supposed to cruise?
I might get back to lovin’
But when push comes to shoving
I’m stuck with the Vasectomy Blues
I might get back to loving but the buns can’t go in the oven
And I’m stuck with the Vasectomy Blues