Selwyn Birchwood - FLorida Man

Down where rebel flags meet Mickey Mouse
Down where the Wild West meets the Dirty South
A phenomenon that can't be explained
Goes by the name of "FLorida Man"

FLorida man gets drunk and shoots guns at hurricanes
FLorida man gets high on bath salts and eats your face
FLorida man reports a burglary to authorities ‘cause you stole his stash
FLorida man commits a felony, armed robbery, in a spiderman mask

Is it something in the water that makes him act this way?
Is it the Natty Light, the crystal meth, or cocaine?
He don't drink and drive, he drinks when he's stopped at traffic lights
I’m not even surprised when I hear that he married a carnival ride

FLorida man gets drunk and shoots guns at hurricanes
FLorida man gets high on bath salts and eats your face
FLorida man reports a burglary to authorities ‘cause you stole his stash
FLorida man commits a felony, armed robbery, in a spiderman mask

FLorida man takes an alligator for beer runs at the liquor store
FLorida man makes love while he's handcuffed in a cop car
FLorida man swears that one day his turtle army will make you pay
FLorida man is insane, he boards planes with live grenades

FLorida man gets drunk and shoots guns at hurricanes
FLorida man gets high on bath salts and eats your face
FLorida man reports a burglary to authorities ‘cause you stole his stash
FLorida man commits a felony, armed robbery, in a spiderman mask