Alex Martin - Mr Plummer, Preacher Dan, and the Moonshiners (Philo Speaks)

5. Mr Plummer, Preacher Dan, and the Moonshiners

Sherwood Anderson should ’a come down here. This mountain was full of unusual types.

I.
They’s a feller Plummer, lived in Plum Creek, years ago.
A colored man, an inventor. Thought he could fly a bicycle off a hill up at Greever’s.
Said it was too dangerous and he quit.

Then he took a motorcycle, made the prettiest little car that you ever saw.
A three-wheel car for his two boys: they drove it down town, everywhere.

Ira Barker had a A-model Ford, wadn’t airy soul could fix it.
Ira towed it from here to Bristol. Plummer took one long look and said,

“Well, Mr Barker, I don’t know…”
They was an old rotten wire fence ‘air; he just broke a piece off it,
crawled under that A-model, in two, three minutes crawled back out and said,
“Well... That might do, Mr Barker. See if it’ll run.”
It never give Ira a bit of trouble after that…

A feller Spicer, lived up on Greever’s place:
he was cutting hay, bundling it with a wheat binder, binder broke down.
He was a pretty good mechanic hisself; worked on it off and on, for about a week.
Finally he give up and called in Mr Plummer; Plummer come up and set down on the fence.

Said, “Mr Spicer, pull it up a bit.” And he studied it a while…
Then he got down under it and worked at it a few minutes.

Well, he got up and put his cap back on. He didn’t say nothing: just tipped his cap
and nodded behind him, to the fields, and walked away...
He musta been a wizard.

II.
Sherwood Anderson should a went down to hear old Dan Graham.
Dan preached at revivals, but he got his start picking dandelions,
Just picking dandelions… You know how their roots grow deep.
He’d dig ’em out and dust the holes with salt; and that killed ’em.
He done that ’til he got through seminary.

He bought him a team of mules, and hauled lumber to Bristol,
all the way from Konnarock, all the way into Tennessee.

He was a great big man, and boy he’d step on your toes: big shots and little shots.
A feller started a fight with him once and ol’ Dan knocked ’im down.
Said, “Well, even if I was a preacher… the Bible says
if somebody hits you on the cheek turn the othern.
It didn’t say turn the other cheek, so I turned him!”

He’d preach about pride and stuck up people. He’d talk about a wheat field, ripening,
when the heads of wheat get heavy...

Said, “If it’s good and ripe, the head’ll droop over…”

Said, “If it’s really loaded, it’ll even bow down…

But if it ain’t got no grain in it a tall… it’ll shoot straight up, of course!

“Think about it, folks, next time
you all see a good Christian going along
with his head straight up, and looking down at ye…

“You’ll know there ain’t nothing up there!”

III.
Rob Henegar and I was hauling liquor, one night,
just over the state line, when the lights went out.

Rob had a little Ford roadster. We picked up fifty gallons for B.B. down in North Carolina.
Trap Hill.
It was late in the evening when we started back. We got as far as Independence.
Independence, Virginia.
It was dark as dungeons. Vehicle’s packed full, bumper’s dragging the road.
No lights.

“Oh God,” I said, “let’s unload this stuff”: the Law’d be a coming. One look, and they’d know.
We covered it with brush, found us some old stumps and set ’em afire.

And you know, Jack, it turned out alright. The troopers never suspected.
They’d cruise by and we’d wave.
They’d wave right back and cruise on.
Rob and I’d swap a few stories and sleep awhile,
wake up, and swap a few more.

Rob go