If I Die Tomorrow

If I die tomorrow I don't want my friends to cry
Just go on down to Jigg's bar and drink that tightwad dry
There's one thing for certain as the sun up in the sky
There'll be one less poor drunken mess than the day before I die

If I die tomorrow I don't want no big brass band
Don't want a choir in purple robes singin' bout the promised land
I hope it's cold and gloomy and it freezes when it rains
You could hire a band of gypsies to come and dance on my remains

If I die tomorrow and return to Mother Earth
I don't want no accountants arguin' over my net worth
Just dig down in your pockets and put a penny on each eye
And I'll be two cents richer than the day before I die

If I die tomorrow I don't want my friends to cry
Just go on down to Jigg's bar and drink that tightwad dry
There's one thing for certain as the sun up in the sky
There'll be one less poor drunken mess than the day before I die

If I die in the jailhouse bury me where I'll be free
If I should die in Iowa take me back to Tennessee
If I die inebriated bury me on the rocks
If I fall dead when I'm in the red won't you lay me beneath Ft. Knox

Tell them old dope dealers to take a whiff on me
One thing's for certain they'll be hurtin' economically
Get you a bottle of Bushmill's whiskey and scatter it over me
'Cause I hear tell both Heaven and Hell are dry as dry could be

If I die tomorrow and return to Mother Earth
I don't want no accountants arguin' over my net worth
Just dig down in your pockets and put a penny on each eye
And I'll be two cents richer than the day before I die

If I die tomorrow I don't want my friends to cry
Just go on down to Jigg's bar and drink that tightwad dry
There's one thing for certain as the sun up in the sky
There'll be one less poor drunken mess than the day before I die

If I die tomorrow tell my tailor not to call
My idea of finery is my Duckett overalls
Tell the preacher to keep his service, tell that priest to save his mass
Tell all them crooked politicians they can kiss my

If I die tomorrow I don't want my friends to cry
Just go on down to Jigg's bar and drink that tightwad dry
There's one thing for certain as the sun up in the sky
There'll be one less poor drunken mess than the day before I die

There'll be one less fool in the baseball pool here's mud right in your eye.