Magic Eightball Never Lies

I know a girl who spends her money
On a real expensive shrink
He tells her where to go; He tells her what to do
He even tells her what to think

Billy, he goes to a confession booth
Meets the man with a collar on
That man tells him what he should be doing
And what he’s been doing wrong

Clergy, and mental health professionals
Can be judgmental and criticize
My solution is a whole lot kinder
Magic Eight Ball never lies

(Instrumental break)

Just give it a shake and set it down
Let the magic in the plastic flow
“Don’t Count On It;” “Very Doubtful;”
Or “It’s Most Decidedly So,”

Outlook good; Reply Hazy;
No matter if your high or low
Without A Doubt; Try Again Later
Or Buddy You Just Don’t Want to Know

My old friend Bob consults his bartender
When he’s looking for a little advice
Should he take that job? Or date that girl?
Should he get tough or should he act nice.

Connie, she talks to some guy at work
When something has her life in a stir
He smiles and nods as he listens
But he’s just trying to get next to her

My advisor only cost five dollars
It’s ethical, uncritical, and wise
I schedule a session almost everyday
Magic Eight Ball never lies

(Instrumental break)

Just give it a shake and set it down
Let the magic in the plastic flow
Don’t Count On It; Very Doubtful;
Or It’s Most Decidedly So

Outlook good; “Reply Hazy;
No matter if your high or low
Without A Doubt; Try Again Later
Or Buddy You Just Don’t Want to Know